As a female from the moment we come into this world we are told we can be and do anything. That we must fight for our equality in this world and we must assert ourselves as strong, competent, multi-tasking and able females. That we are the Queen of our own jungle, a lioness and the world must hear us roar.
Then some of us become mothers and we feel the need to up our womanly super powers. To juggle motherhood along with every other thing we could want to achieve in our lives. To chase the next dream, cross the finish line of the race and to tick the goals off our life check list. There are affirmations all over social media and we share inspiring quotes between us. It is a firm message that we can and must conquer the world and we can do it all with a baby on our tit and another on our hip.
I am guilty of overloading. I am guilty of not being strong enough to say no. I am guilty of trooping on and not asking for help despite feeling crushed by the weight of my commitments. I worry that admitting I am not coping will open me up to be viewed as weak. That people will realise I am not made of stone, I am not super, I am not juggling motherhood and life with ease. I read one of those glorious meme’s the other day that said ‘We are all losing our shit, some of us are just better at hiding it than others’ and I thought A-FREAKEN-MEN!
I think most women whether they are mothers or not can relate to the pressure to succeed. The pressure to prove ourselves and to have our shit under control but I want to chuck it out there that it is ok and perfectly normal to fail at ‘adulting’ every now and again, and to take refuge in a pillow fort. Not only is it normal but it is deliciously therapeutic. Take a long bath with those fancy ass Lush bath bombs, eat the whole king size block of chocolate, drink all the wine and throw yourself a big old pity party. Then get back to it.
Learn your limits. Assert yourself and your ability to say no. Don’t feel ashamed of saying no. It’s a powerful word and you need no excuses. Once you have mastered the art of using the big N-O life tends to take a turn. I’ll be honest, it’s hard as hell at first to just say no without following it with rambling justifications but the truth is you don’t need to do that. So repeat after me – no, No, NO! Let’s all be a little self-indulgent now and again and not feel a damn bit guilty about it.
While I will continue to raise my own little females with the positive affirmations of being able to conquer the world, I will also teach them the importance of putting themselves first. I will carefully guide them through the need to be selfish every now and again and that there is no weakness in asking for help. It takes great strength to admit so. They are indeed beautiful lionesses but they don’t need to be alone in their jungle. Support networks are crucial and if there is one kingdom I want them to build, it is that one.
Last week almost broke me and if admitting this helps someone else realise they need to call a time out and look after themselves then that hideous selfie was worth it. Call on your support systems, admit you need them and make sure they bring the wine!